My children are chomping at the bit to know the answer! "Mom, are you going to tell us on Sunday (Easter) what YOU gave up for Lent?" It has been our family's BIG SECRET since Ash Wednesday. Usually, I give up something like potato chips or peanut butter. Last year, I gave up Internet access at home, which wasn't a huge sacrifice since at that time, we had dial up only.
This year, as Lent approached, I pondered. I prayed. I "tried on" different options in my head, much like I might do a new Spring wardrobe. Nothing seemed to fit.
And then, one evening, after I had ranted at our son over yet one MORE thing he was forgetting to do..., after yet another round of rhetorical questions that he, a teenager with some special needs issues would try to answer: "How many times do we have to tell you?..." I realized that I had fallen into a terrible and deadly pattern. I was only seeing the negative actions of my two precious and beautiful children.
As a former teacher, I know the power of positive reinforcement. And I know the damage that negative reinforcement can do as well.
I didn't wait for Ash Wednesday to arrive. I began right then and there to practice my Lenten "fast". I challenged myself to look for at least three good things my children (and my husband, too-- though he doesn't know it) were doing. I pledged that "even if I have to ignore a few mistakes", I would focus on the positives. I would not take the "weenie way out" (breaking the fast on Sundays), and other than the day I got home from the band trip to New York City, it's gone rather well.
In fact, last night at the Passover Seder, my daughter asked about it. "I've been trying to figure out what you are doing," she told the table. "I don't know. Maybe being nicer?"
YES! She noticed!
For the record, I am thinking that, for the first time ever, I might actually be "getting it", in regard to the whole purpose of giving something up for Lent. After all, in years past, I would have been counting the days, minutes, hours until I could eat chocolate, watch television or have a peanut butter sandwich. And I would have missed the whole point of Christ's sacrifice of love. God has made us a new Creation. I like the change.
