Suffer the Little Children

I just returned home from my daughter's middle school. I've been there many times before... ball games, chaperoning field trips, accompanying the choirs and bands. But this time was different. This time, I was one of about 12 counselors, pastors and teachers, trying to help these young students answer the unanswerable "why?" Sometimes I listened, sometimes I gave little insights into how grief "works", sometimes I just sat with them as they held one another and cried.

There is no answer for them. There is no sense to be made of a senseless situation. One of them realized aloud, "You don't expect it be your classmate. A 90-year-old, yes, but not your classmate."

Another complained about the rumors that had already begun to surface. Yet another said she lived down the street and wondered if she would ever get the images of the flashing lights... the door being broken down... the screaming... out of her head.

My own daughter told another student that she has heard so many stories now, she doesn't really care to know "what really happened".

The reasons don't matter much anyway. Knowing what happened won't turn back the clock. I would imagine his parents are pointing fingers of blame at themselves and each other, or will be, when the shock wears off. That won't help much, either. Perhaps they could have done things differently, but perhaps they, like other parents, were "doing their best".

Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God." (Mark 10:14)

I heard more than one statement from adults in my community that "a child shouldn't have worries that big!" They are right. A child should not have to suffer. But they do. Sadly, they do. Whether their problems are real-- and some of them are-- or imagined, there are many youth who do not have adequate support systems in place to deal with those problems.

Peer pressure, eating disorders, homework, teasing... My generation faced those problems, too. But my generation was more likely to have caring neighbors, stay-at-home moms, or grandparents who lived close by to help us get through our struggles. My generation was more likely to have someone... anyone... monitoring our activities after school and on weekends. My generation was more likely to have more of what the Search Institute calls the "40 Developmental Assets".

The more assets a child has from that list, the less likely they are to be troubled or "trouble-makers." Those assets include things such as:
· families that are supportive, communicate well and stay involved in their children's lives.
· caring neighborhoods and schools.
· a feeling that their community values youth.
· three or more non-parent adults with whom the youth have relationships.
· encouragement from family and teachers.
· a feeling of safety at home, school and in the community.
· opportunities to serve in the community, as well as to just be a part of it.
· clear boundaries from parents, school officials and neighbors

Those of us who are parents, as well as those who work with or care about the youth in their churches and communities can learn something from the tragedy that took me to the school today. Children can and do have problems that are so huge to them that they cannot imagine a way out of them. Whatever else we may do, we must listen to them. We must talk with them. We must build relationships with them. We must help them to trust as many adults in their lives as is possible.

We must, must, MUST "suffer" the children to come... hopefully, to Christ, but at the very least to us, so that the children are not the ones to suffer.